mwestbelle: (GEN | shakespeare shanks emos)
I wish BBB wasn't being such a bitch :\

on the + side, I've gotten snippets of a couple different origfics started for a few different universes, some I didn't expect. I'm not trying to finish anything, just writing whatever I come up with instead of obsessing over it forever until I don't feel like writing it anymore. I might share some, might not. I'm trying to hone my craft~, y'know. People tell me they like my writing, but I always feel like it's a mess or simplistic or something. I feel like it should be better, but I don't know what I can do to fix it. Writing more just makes me write more, it doesn't change how I write. Oh well, we'll see

the big - is that I found a PAID editorial internship at a publishing company in my area AND I just so happened to have an in with one of the VPs of the company (his daughter was in my sister's girl scout troupe, he and my dad are casual buddies) so I applied and then sent him my resume with a ":) :) halp :)" and he said I looked v. qualified and like I'd fit in well, and that he'd pass me on to the right people...and then e-mailed me again to let me know that he found out they weren't going to be hiring an intern because of the recession. of course, when something is perfect for me, it falls through. (the zoo doesn't want me either, btw) :(
mwestbelle: (DISNEY | Edward | sulking time)
Changed my layout, check it!

Saw Coraline in 3D today, and it was awesomesauce...it was really subtly done, and there were only like, two or three WHOA THREE DIMENSIONS moments in the movie, it really was about immersion in the world--it was the first 3D movie I've seen and I was totally into it.

Just watched Hush and Smile Time with some downstairsers, and I'm going to see Were the World Mine again tomorrow with two new friends. Seems like I define my life by what I've been watching a lot lately. Idk, I've felt...kind of off? Just not really interested in being around a lot of people, but also really lonely. It's sort of that disconnect, where I sit here at my computer and realize that I could go to the next room, but I want to talk to people here. But there's no one to talk to. Maybe I'm just having weird brain times but...it's one of those things? The thing that I've always always wanted more than anything else is for people to like me. And if they do like me, I want them to like me best. And I feel pretty unloveable.

woes

Feb. 2nd, 2009 09:27 am
mwestbelle: (BB | alone together)
Sometimes I am sad. And I try not to post about being sad, or talk about it with anyone because...seriously, who the hell am I to think I have the right to run around going :( :( when other people like, in the same room have bigger problems than I do?

...of course, that method sometimes leaves me curled up in bed on a Sunday night crying myself to sleep.

I hope it's PMS :\ ...but hormones don't explain away the stuff that makes me cry.
mwestbelle: (Default)
I want to write shit but. Idkkkk. :( While I wade in my uselessness (It is not wallowing! Just to the ankles!), let's do a meme!

Ask me a serious (or not) question about one to five of the following:

1. Friends
2. Sex
3. Music
4. Drugs
5. Love
6. Livejournal
7. Porn
8. The Future

No matter how rude, sexual or confidential . . .
I will answer honestly.

failbrain

Jun. 29th, 2008 11:18 am
mwestbelle: (surprise motherfucker)
Keep thinking about things I shouldn't, even though I know how I'm going to end up feeling. Still, can't really avoid it, especially around here.

I know it's pretty late but...Love Meme? I could use some loving.

Additional source of conflicting emotions: Today is ~TWO MONTHS ♥~ and...Chris isn't here. /o\ Family fucking reunions, seriously. Shitty phone AIM just isn't the same, folks.

Sorry that I've been a not-commenter lately...with stress from work and being FAT AND ALONE lonely, I just haven't been in the mood. Crossing my fingers that I'll be better after the soul-healing joy that will be The Return of Chris PLUS TBPiD!!!! OMG I cannot wait for that DVD, that and The Dark Knight are pretty much what's keeping me going these days.
mwestbelle: (ben)
Guess who wasted $44.55 and a hell of a lot of joy? Oh yeah, that would be me. I'm not seeing Panic. I bought a ticket and have been fucking flailing since February, but nope. I cannot has Panic, because my parents don't approve of the ~people who could maybe possibly be attending this concert (even though I told them Panic appeals mainly to teenage girls) and they don't approve of the neighborhood the venue is in (which, admittedly, is pretty nasty, but that's where ACTUAL TOURS COME IN MILWAUKEE). So. Yeah. I thought I was done crying about concerts I didn't get to go to back when I couldn't find anyone to drive me to Chicago to see MCR. I mean, what's worse than not being able to get two hours away to a concert you really want to see? Turns out it's not being able to get half an hour away to a concert you have a ticket for.

Fucking sucks.

On another note: Tokio Hotel is on Fuse. Hee.
mwestbelle: (ben)
I am posting from that most dreaded and terrifying of beasts: The Home Computer. Why would I speak to you from this ancient, sluggish neanderthal when I could just dash off a happy hello from my shiny and well-loved laptop, Iago? Well. That would be because dear Iago is not with us at the moment. He's been checked into intensive care and, sadly, I don't know when I'll see my sweet one again.

Translation: Dad and I finally went to Best Buy to talk to Geek Squad about Iago's fun little quirk (for those of you not around, when I got back to school after Christmas Break, Iago randomly started using only about 3/4 of his 17" display, leaving a wide black bar across the top and left side of the monitor) and...he's still there. I had NO INTENTION of leaving him, especially not without backing up any (ANY) of my files, but Dad and I had to get home to meet Juj's bus, which left us checking Iago in to stay with the friendly Geek Squad people. (Yes, I cried. Yes, I realize I'm lamesauce incarnate.) Which means I won't be around as much as I'd like to be, since now I have to share this old demon with the rest of the family...I'm hoping that the parentals will let me get on long enough to still be able to talk to people? But I really don't know. (Chrissyway, we may be forced to actually speak to each other after all)

On the (minute) plus side, I would also like to introduce a new member to my little technological family, who came home with me when Iago had to stay away. Macbeth is my black 80gig iPod Classic, and I already love him very much...I'll love him more once I sell Edmund (my Nano) to Juj and thus have somewhat less of a dent in my wallet. (Yes, I name all my electronics after Shakespearean villains, why do you ask?)

Another note: my RL beffie and I have despaired of finding a comm to discuss our original fictiony affairs...thus, I'm rebooting an old comm of mine, [livejournal.com profile] makingshitup101, and would like to invite ~all of you to join us. We're hoping to create a fairly closeknit community to discuss and brainstorm original ideas...something of a [livejournal.com profile] wolfshirts for origific...as well as do some concrit and writing excersises. *waves pimpcane* Go on!

eh

Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:02 pm
mwestbelle: (ben)
Feeling lonely and awkward and so so tired. Napped for about an hour, trying not to waste my time waiting, woke up sure that it'd be better, but there's nothing new, no reason to have my eyes open at all. Should be working, but I'm not in the mood to bullshit a deep ~reflection on my work this semester. I barely want to type. I'm just so tired, but I can't move myself to do anything.

Maybe if I could produce anything--fic, my finals stuff, something with meaning, it would be better. But I'm detached and dulled. I think I might just go and knit for a while, make something and let my mind fit into a rhthym...but I need to work on my finals. I'll give myself until 10 to knit, maybe, and then come back and work.

I just feel so useless sometimes.

woememe

Apr. 7th, 2008 09:28 am
mwestbelle: (ben)
Still feeling really awful. Just...a mixture of lonely and upset and homesick and worried that just eats at my stomach. Ah well. Have a meme, ganked from [livejournal.com profile] thelemic (Who always manages to brighten my days)

BASICS
1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my lj:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favourite place to be:
11. favourite lyric:
12. best time of the year:
13. any pets?

RECOMMEND
1. a film:
2. a book:
3. a band, a song and an album:
4. An LJ friend you think I'd get along with:

PLUS
1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. a picture of yourself! (optional, of course)
4. put this in your lj so i can tell you what i think of you
mwestbelle: (ben)
Feeling kinda blank again...hope it doesn't all go downhill again :\ It makes me sad when people on my Flist are sad...maybe I'll try to think of something cute to write (I remember dreaming up some wacky Waycest AU right before I went to sleep last night, but I don't remember it, blah.)

Sometimes I'm scared of how jealous I get about stupid, stupid little things no one else would even think to notice. It makes me wonder (more than usual, which is kind of a lot) if I'm really messed up and just function well enough that no one notices...not even me.

I'm going to get coffee with [livejournal.com profile] pandorathene when she comes to chill in B-loit, so all you fools better be jealous. \o/

I should be writing an essay and I *want* to be writing fic, but. I don't know, I don't know how up to it I feel. I might just go absorb more incest. (THOUGH I WOULDN'T BE OPPOSED TO SOME PORNING IF A CERTAIN SOMEONE WOULD WANT TO HINTHINTHINT)
mwestbelle: (ben)
I was supposed to go home to have Easter with my grandma and hang out a bit with Dad and Beau. I'm not home. I'm still here, because of the freaking snow. It really really upsets me...I know it's not that big of a deal, and it was only a weekend (Friday evening to Sunday afternoon) but. I don't know, I've been feeling kind of low lately, and on Thursday I had one of those superfun moments of just soul-crushing unhappiness and I was just sitting here feeling awful and couldn't bring myself to do anything and it was bad. I ended up going to curl up with Hil so I could at least be around someone I like and who likes me, but I just told myself that it would all be okay, because I'd be home soon, and then everything would be alright. Or not.

I think I might feel better if I'd had a chance to cry, because crying always makes me feel better, but I had to shove it all down because I was on the phone with the fam and it isn't their fault and I didn't want them to feel bad. (Also, Mum & Juju got their trip to Florida cancelled because of the weather too, and I know that sucks way more.) And now I'm just kind of in that bottled-emotion state...even though I had a really fun night with my friends (we went rollerblading inside the lounge and watched American Psycho) once that was over, I just crashed again.

I'm so so sick of Roomie, she makes me miserable, and I can't wait to never have to see her again. Picking classes for next year, and I can't wait for it to come (well, actually, I can't wait for *summer* to come. Screw next year.)

...sigh.

Sorry for being a downer. Um. Here, have some Geeface:
Always makes me feel better. )
mwestbelle: (blogging)
Last night = not fun...my last night chilling with my family was just a wee bit dampened by when I settled into bed with my laptop for some end-of-the-night porning chatting and...it wouldn't turn on. Like, the lights would all come on? But the hard drive wouldn't engage. Yeahhhhh, there were tears. I know it sounds really lame, that I was seriously crying over my laptop but I really wouldn't be exaggerating when I say my laptop is my life. It's got all my writing, all my music, it's my entertainment, my schoolwork, my connections. Pretty much 2-12 every day (with like, two hours out for food and a tv show) I'm on here doing something. So not having it would kind of be my entire life crashing down around my ears. But this morning, popped out the battery and put it back in, and it seems to be fine (well, the display is still phucked, but whatev) so *fingers crossed*

SO MUCH TO CATCH UP ON AGH.

In summary:
-B-side = ♥xafrillion, I'm a hundred million times more excited to see them, I didn't even think that was possible!
-V.v. proud of Travie and wishing him the best of luck
-Finished my CW story, will post later
-Back to work on fannishbzns \o/
-Back at school /o/ (half-/o\ and half-\o/)
-saw Penelope -- SUPER sweet and highly recommended, it really just warmed my heart
-so glad to back in the world with all y'all internetty folk <3
mwestbelle: (Gondor)
Have promised two fics for two special ladies...hopefully I'll get at least a good start on those this weekend. I'm trying to think of what to do for my CW short story...I also promised I would write a scary story for a friend, so I'm thinking of just doing one and using it for both \o/ That way I'll have plenty of time to fic, mwahahaha, though I do have two more papers due for Friday; planning to write one this weekend and the other during the week, ugh.

Um. I don't have a lot of important things to say, except everyone is getting My Chem tickets except MEEEEE T_____T My heart *aches* to go, seriously, but I honestly have no way to get there--the bus is ridiculously expensive, and there isn't one going home after the concert, and I'm not spending the night wandering around Chicago. SO MUCH WOE, AGH.

Finally figured out how to take stills with my webcam so \o/ for that. I've been spending a lot of time reading various secret comms and...damn, they make me so sad. Especially the bandom ones--everyone I've met in this fandom has been so sweet, and then I look at the secret posts and they're just filled with venom. Sigh. I guess I don't get it, because I've never been afraid to tell people what I think about something in a fandom...and it's not like I'm going to hate on people who think differently. Sure, I want to flail about everything we like, so why don't we just set aside things we don't agree on? (I mean, unless you're going to troll my journal and, like, assault me with "GERARD IS A FAT FAIL TOAD," I could care less.) So...that's my Deep Thought for bandom. WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG??? *weeps*

Also, this is how I spend my time in class, if anyone's wondering:
Photobucket
(Bonus hair & roomie's posters!)(And all that shading was a bitch)
mwestbelle: (blogging)
My feet hurt so so so bad from dancing tonight. Why did I think I could dance in heeled boots? Why? I am so dumb. Plus, I now have a headache and feel a little queasy from eating a chocolate-covered strawberry directly before a spirited polka. Hmph. Also feeling kind of irked with people as a whole (high-strung, needy, generally uninteresting) and I really want to work on my AU, but my brain hurts. I might just go to bed :(

Also, I have become totally and completely obsessed with all the stuff at [livejournal.com profile] two_way_street because, dear god it's kinked out like whoa, but it's so awesome. Anthro! Trans! TENTACLESWHAT!

About halfway through Doom Paper--having some trouble finding a balance, since I wrote like 3 pages about Shylock and then a paragraph on Falstaff >.< I think I will go to bed, actually, since I was up until 4:30 this morning chitchatting with awesome people *wavewave* about bandish things (Lamesauce says you? AWESOMESAUCE SAYS I)
mwestbelle: (blogging)
My creative nonfiction piece is just NOT COMING, which really sucks because it's DUE TUESDAY and I'm not going to have any time to work on it over the weekend because I'm going home to see Juju in the school musical (Anything Goes, I'm v.v. excited) But, ARGH. I leave tomorrow, and I just CAN'T WRITE IT, and everything is coming up due--I've got a prospectus for Script Analysis due Wednesday (and I'm still not sure I have a proper handle on the whole segment thing) and the major paper for Shakespeare on the 18th (it's an INTENSE paper, and I'm in a class filled with upperclassmen so it really has to kick ass) and just FNNNRGH.

In other news, I'm considering expanding the Brendonbot ficlet I wrote...I like tech-y universes (and sexbots, but who DOESN'T like sexbots? I ask you.) and...yeah. But I'm still hoping to get some work done on my other project, and I just want to write my fan stuff SOBADLY but I have all this homework and DDDD: Not cool. Boogers.

Well, so this isn't an entirely pointless whiney post, here's the beginning of an AU I was considering a month or so ago in which Gerard's family is obscenely rich, and Frank is a sex slave that Gerard's parents buy for him cuz that's a thing you do in this universe (why am I so fixated on sex slaves/sexbots/etc?? CUZ THEY'RE AWESOME, OBVSLY), but Gerard is MORALLY OPPOSED and HIJINKS ENSUE.

Lolrandom!AU bits! )
mwestbelle: (holy ghost)
I am glad I conquered my fears, because dude, it was like "Comment! Comment! Comment!" SO EXCITING AGH, that's never happened to me before! Of course, LJ is being a betch again and is sending my comments with a GIAAAAANT LAAAAG. By the way, betch, fuck you! Hopefully 'twill go away.

Also, I finally figured out how to do this ♥ and have been abusing the privelege ever since. ♥

I got a massive amount of Eddie Izzard quote icons (I spent the better part of two hours yesterday watching clips on youtube...I might be buying Dressed To Kill & Glorious) but I have NO ROOM, WHY LJ, WHY? 15 icons is RIDICULOUS, I need more space! I had to delete Sexy Priest Dean for this! WAILING AND GNASHING OF THE TEETH!

Bah. Now I have to actually start working on more arts AU and now people are actually expecting something from it *quake* Ah well, que sera, sera (NECESITO ACCENTOS, LJ, DONDE ESTAN MIS ACCENTOS??)

PS: Have you ever noticed how PAINFULLY EMO "I Am A Rock" is? It's all "blah blah I don't need anyone, I don't need friends, I have my angsty poetry." No, seriously, he actually says "I have my poetry to protect me." LAMETARD.
mwestbelle: (charlie)
Things I Hate (That I Am Experiencing Today):
-Steps that are too long to do in one step, but are too short to take two steps
-Fruit cups that spit juice all over your jeans
-Tailbone pains of doom (Guess what! Not only does it ache and stab, it BLEEDS.)
-Headaches
-Dumbass youtube videos that are set so you can't embed them
-Having buttons pop off your coat
-The persistent sound of vacuuming
-The word vacuuming. I think it's wrong, but it looks so weird anyway I don't even know
-Clicking on awesomely named pr0nfiction and having it turn out to be poorly spaced, poorly written crap
-Headaches
-Being hungry

...ok, I feel almost better. I'll be cheerier when I get more of the things that I don't hate (like COMMENTFICCING <333) and get some food in me. Which I will do now.

Arts school AU tentatively scheduled for postage tonight. *fingers crossed*
mwestbelle: (woe)
There are still tickets for the Cobra Starship concert. I've exhausted every option--I even asked a girl on my floor who I've spoken to maybe 3 times this whole year if she wanted to go (she has a car).

I kind of feel like crying, lame as that sounds. I've never been to a concert, and this is a band I'm really really passionately in love with and obviously, since they still have tickets the day before, this would be a small show and a really great first time experience for me. I've been kind of freaked out about school and life stuff lately, and it would have been so nice to just go be in a crush of people and get to scream and sing for a couple hours.

Sigh.

New House tonight, but I'm not really feeling it.

ETA: I would like to make other people feel happy in my moment of woe, so if you have a request, I'll do my best to write you some comment!pornfic <3
mwestbelle: (charlie)
GNRRRGH, Cobra Starship is coming next week and I want to go SO BADLY because no band I like EVER comes anywhere near me at anytime I could conceivable go see them, but I have NO ONE TO GO WITH and NO WAY TO GET TO MILWAUKEE ARGH. I even looked at the Greyhound schedules and WTF, a 5 hour bus ride to Milwaukee? The shit is that? Do you people not realize I have classes to be in? So in summation: I need some magical way to get to Milwaukee between 3 and 6 next Wednesday and back to B'loit before noon on Thursday. Also someone to go with me. Quickly enough that all the tickets won't be sold out (it keeps fluctuating from sold out and not, so I really need to BUY TICKETS if I want to have them). So if any of you have super seekrit magical powers, NOW IS THE TIME TO USE THEM. I need to see Gabe's rapist eyes in person! And Vicky-T, because I have a massive girlcrush on her! And Ryland, because I die laughing every time he does Guy Ripley on TAI TV! And Alex and Nate for NO SPECIFIC REASON BESIDES THEIR AWESOME! *weep*

Project Runway tonight, yayyyyy! And Christian has immunity, so it's ALL GOOD. My Tiniest Bitch Queen will continue to snark another day! Please let them get rid of Ricky...and make the challenge really awesome and fun and give Tim more screentime! Thanks.

I started thinking about a "school for the arts" AU squee to post on [livejournal.com profile] wolfshirts and...yeah, it kinda started turning into actual (if cracky) fic, so...that may be appearing soon. Since I'm not getting the creative writing I wanted to in my actual Creative Writing class, I will get through boysex! Take that, establishment! Sticking it to the MAN with the power bandom! I have also decided to cannibalize the numerous picspams I have saved on my del.icio.us to make a "My Favorite Sexy Pictures"spam, just, you know, for science.
mwestbelle: (thinking)
Still in a funk about Heath, still doesn't really seem real.

But I figured that I should stop just blathering about how happy I am to be in bandom and actually prove that I am so...since anything I could picspam has already been spammed to DEATH (although I'm thinking about doing a favorites post just, y'know, for future reference ^_^) I figured I could ease in by posting the commentfic I wrote for [livejournal.com profile] glorify's Anonymous Porn Meme (it was stated that you could repost/claim your fic if you wanted so...yeah.)

This was written in the commentbox in between checking facebook and looking at random shit, so...not exactly a masterwork, but I'm fond of it, it's my first meme response so <3

Prompt: Bloodplay sans vampirism (It's really really mild, srsly. And shut up, Gail, go drink some more haterade)
Pairing: Frank/Gerard, MCR
Avast! Here be bandslash! )

So at least there's that.

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mwestbelle

May 2011

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